35 Weeks

It is a fact that from week 32 of pregnancy onwards absolutely everyone you see will say something along the lines of “you still here then?” Why yes Kathy I am still fucking here.

My womb squatter hasn’t had her marching orders yet- she’s not quite cooked so I don’t expect to see her for a little while yet.  I do however feel like I’ve been pregnant for approximately 938475763 weeks and am clutching my industrial sized bottle of Gaviscon with the fervour of Gollum clutching the One Ring. My husband tried to suggest he had heartburn the other day and I actually growled at him when he tried to take some. Swig some milk you bastard and leave my precious alone!

Some other news is that I’ll be having the baby induced at 37 weeks, I’m just not well enough to continue to 40 weeks so an early arrival it is. This has meant I’ve become even more hysterical and maddening to my family. My hospital bag has been packed literally since the end of the first trimester but I’ve taken to packing and unpacking it obsessively in case I’ve missed something out.

Sleep has become something of a rare commodity in this house recently too. Between my hips and my bladder it’s like a military operation to hoist my fat carcass out of bed. When I finally manage to get out I usually trip over something and set the dog off barking, which means no one has really had a good night’s sleep in weeks….my heart bleeds for them.

As much as my posts suggest otherwise, pregnancy isn’t all bad. I particularly enjoy getting onto a full train and glaring at people until someone gives me a seat- yes I am entitled, no I don’t care. I’m also enjoying being able to eat my own body weight in pickles and crackers without anyone judging me for the first time in forever.

My dreams have gotten strange lately too. I dreamt I gave birth to a little yellow chick and Ste refused to accept it was his. We spent the entire dream arguing about his paternity of my tiny winged child until he accidentally sat on it which upset me so much it woke me up. Whereon I was mad at him for crushing my dream baby and he was confused “I only offered you a brew, why are you so angry?” The poor man is going to end up with anxiety before I give birth if I don’t manage to rein myself in.